Conscious Catholicism

its funny the deaths we feel the most might not be the ones we think. DJ and I were close. She was a part of my every-day. I was more intimate with her and trusted her more than just about anyone else at work. She had my back and I hers amidst that shit politics that goes on at work. The most horrible and difficult part of her death is that it was so sudden. Three weeks ago she and I were bullshitting in her cube about angelia jolie and brad pitt, tom cruise (who despite what she says IS gay, not that it matters) I recall I reminded her that I would be out on friday for a long weekend she laughed and I laughed and told her I’d check on her on tuesday. She said something as I was walking away and I snapped a line back at her as I walked away. This is the way that we knew each other. thursday she wasn’t feeling well, a headache. Friday I had heard that she left early and went to the emergency room down in Tacoma. It was here that they discovered just how sick she really was. She never left the hospital. this all took place in the space of three fucking weeks and then this morning she died just 20 mins before I got to work. There are several people at work that play a huge role in my day to day. She was one of them and I cannot fucking imagine how to let that go.

I was talking with one of DJ’s other friends and she said how her DJ – lesson was that you need to act when you “know”. She felt like she really needed to go to the hospital yesterday to visit but she ignored those feelings. She said that rather than beating herself up for not acting on them, she is going to act on them in the future. The lesson for me is … I don’t know yet what it (the lesson) is. I’ve lost another friend too early, it hurts like hell and it sucks and it pisses me off because until I die I don’t see the point of it, death that is. Time for a glass of wine.


Born in New York, Educated in the Berkshires, Became an adult in CA and found my Soul in Seattle. I'm a bearish middle aged, happy man who lives w my husbear in the OC.