Conscious Catholicism

I haven’t written here in awhile. Things have been pretty busy at work and so I’m generally really tired by the time I get home. Somethings of note. I’m enrolled in classes for the Fall semester, which I’m really happy about. I’m suppose to meet with financial aid tommorow to try and get myself off of financial aid probabion. I dropped out in the middle of the Spring quarter so they automatically put me on. Work may pay for one of the classes and will pay for the time that I’m in class. I have to cover the other two classes and my books. Home life is fine, I’m looking forward to having my dad come out this coming Thursday. He’ll be here for two weeks, unless he finds some work out here. That would be great if he did, make a little money, nana would be able to get a little money, there lives would be easier and probably happier to boot. I’m having two friends over tomorrow night for dinner. I’m making a lasagna so I’ll have to run to the store after work and get the ingredients. It should be nice.

I’ve really been seeing somethings about myself lately that I need to address. I suffer from horrible insecurity, which I cover with bravado and humer. I really don’t like this but I honestly don’t know what to do about it. Its weird because I alternate between actually feeling confident about certain aspects of myself or my life and feeling like the rest is all shit.

Relationship wise, I am really hesitant to get involved with anyone because I’m such freek some of the time, controlling, anal yada yada yada that I wouldn’t want to date me why would I want to put that on anyone else. I’m afraid of being let down, hurt, all of the usual things. I mean I haven’t actually ever been in a truly satisfying relationship and I’m more and more convinced that they don’t exist in the real world. Just some observations about myself that I’ve noticed lately.


Born in New York, Educated in the Berkshires, Became an adult in CA and found my Soul in Seattle. I'm a bearish middle aged, happy man who lives w my husbear in the OC.