Conscious Catholicism

Just some ideas to help with the transition.

Once we are moved I will only ask Mike for money when a bill is do or we go grocery shopping. This is will work out better for the both of us. Mike will be in charge of his own money and I will be in charge of mine. It will take some of the emphasis off of me as the money manager.

I really don’t want to go out quite as much anymore. I think that it is a waste of money. There are other ways of meeting guys; the gym for one, online chat rooms for another. I’m not really looking for a relationship at this point. I don’t want to suffer myself on anyone, especially since I really seem myself as relationship flawed. I could handle new friendships in fact I think that that’s primarily what I’m looking for at this time. I’m looking to break free from my relationship circle with Mike. It’s not that I don’t like the folks in that circle; I think it’s better if I find my own relationships outside of that circle in addition.

Another thing that will be good is that I will have my own room, my own bed my own everything. I need to create this space for myself right now. I don’t have it and it’s been a problem for me. I cannot emphasize enough how much I still care for Mike and the shift in our relationship has been a very good thing overall. I still have my trust issues with him. I sometimes think that he fundamentally cares only about his own ass, and is somehow using me for my cooking my organizational (mom like) ability’s. I know how paranoid this sounds but on some core level it’s one of my fears. I recognize it as such and don’t usually give it too much power.

I’m really hopeful that this new job pans out and that I can start there sometime after we get moved into the new place. Being able to work again will be such a joy. Having a good income and disposable income again will be better.

There are certain routines that I need to develop new behaviors and habits that will be good for me. Creating a weekly menu and shopping will help with the goal I have for losing 45 pounds. It will have the secondary benefit of helping to keep the budget in order as well. I spent almost $670 in groceries for this month. That’s a whole lot of money, no wonder I’m obese.

I’m truly looking forward to walking a bit more. Up and down hills will be a very good thing.

I need to accept change into my Life. Life is all about change after all and those that learn to flow with it bend with it seem to have less problems and more enjoyment. I’ve gotten better at this change thing. It is interesting that I’ve always set myself up in situations that required me to bend and change.


Born in New York, Educated in the Berkshires, Became an adult in CA and found my Soul in Seattle. I'm a bearish middle aged, happy man who lives w my husbear in the OC.