Conscious Catholicism

So I’ve been at the new job now for almost a week. The commute into work up and around Lake Washington isn’t really all that bad at all, about 35 mins total commute time. The people that I’m working with seem fairly nice also. Things here at home are still ok. I much more aware now of all the little things that I would do to contribute to making us work. I’m sometimes uncomfortable living here now, not much just from time to time little feelings will pop up and I’ll wish that it was the Spring already and we were in separate apartments. This is strange because I do enjoy Mikes company most of the time. I’m not sure, I go back and forth about moving downtown versus staying up here. If I’m still with ATT Wireless I think it makes the most sense for me to stay here, I mean I will have the money to buy this place at that point, and I do very much like the neighborhood. If Mike were to move out and I were to buy this place, my mortgage would be less than our rent is now and not much more than a 1 bed on Capitol Hill, so it would seem to be the best thing to do. I’m kind of sad that I lost all of the friends that I met through him, but its typically what happens. I’m not sad about Jason or Mandy, I have nothing at all in common with either of them except for my relationship with Mike, the same could be said for Maria. I’m sad to learn the after the 3 1/2 years Mike and I have been together that Mathew never really liked me. I hate when people put up these shallow fronts and pretend to like you. I mean, if I don’t like you I’ll tell you straight up none of this nicey nicey to my face and then bitching and talking about me behind my back. I should’ve guessed though based on everyone else he hangs around. I guess what I’m saying is its been somewhat painful finding out that very few if any of Mikes friends actually ever really liked me and finding it out now after the time and energy I’ve invested in the relationships really sucks. I tend to have a few friends but they also tend to be very intimate relationships, it’s what I prefer. I’m sure that if I get more involved in the local groups I’ll meet some new people and possibly make some new friends. I know this all sounds really pathetic, it’s mostly mind banter, filling in the space between the lines. The other thing as far as Mike goes that’s been on my mind is something I’ve suspected during a good portion of our relationship, and that has been that he’s been in this because it’s easier to stay than change the situation. We know each others quirks and habits. It’s a whole lot easier with me around than on his own. That could be complete and utter nonsense, and if it is than it is. I suspect and will act as if it isn’t. I’m looking out for me first.


Born in New York, Educated in the Berkshires, Became an adult in CA and found my Soul in Seattle. I'm a bearish middle aged, happy man who lives w my husbear in the OC.