Conscious Catholicism

Depression was getting to me a bit earlier on this morning. You’d think that not working would make one happy, not having to do anything but cook and clean. Well, you’d be wrong. Stir crazy is not just a state of mind. Actually I think it’s the not having money coming in more than anything else. In fact I’m sure of it. If I had oh say 4000.00 income every week well than I would be more than happy cause I sure as hell wouldn’t be in this house. Well, changes ARE happening. My life is turning all upside down and around and it has been for awhile now. I’m just trying to hold on to myself which is the only thing familar and stable. Work isn’t, my home isn’t, Michael isn’t (as much as I love him), money certainly isn’t. I’m really at a loss as to what to do to change things. I’m not lazy and would happily change whatever to at least be able to move forward, to at least feel like I was moving forward, but I have nothing to do, the familar is obviously not working, or then again maybe it is and I’m just not picking up the clue phone. Part of me feels like I’m just having to ride-out the storm as it, but than there is that part that says you know this is an oppurtunity to make some big, grand and important changes in your life, to move it in the direction you would really like it to be going in. By the way did I mention that I’m a romantic as far as life goes, that I think we should all live in our own Secret Garden and most of my pain in life has been about discovering that there really are thorns and unfriendly dragons. If all this sounds a bit crazy, it’s my space and I’ll vent as I please, so as to not mess up the carpeting.

On a completely different note, Mikes birthday is in 2 weeks, ironic that his birthday is on the “official” gay pride day.

I think it’s time for a tatoo. I like to get tatoos whenever as a type of ritual to mark life changes or sigificant events, it’s my take on Urban Paganism.

Time to get dressed and go pickup Mike. One of the PC’s died yesterday. Which means that we are completely a house of macs now, well almost, there is that one little bebox.


Born in New York, Educated in the Berkshires, Became an adult in CA and found my Soul in Seattle. I'm a bearish middle aged, happy man who lives w my husbear in the OC.